


vi trenger ikke verden

by glaslungor



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 19:59:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8681470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glaslungor/pseuds/glaslungor
Summary: ”Can you tell me? About you and Sonja?”
”I don’t know how to explain it, really”
Or: the boys finally talk (some of) it out.





	

Isak was sitting across the table from Even and the light was hitting him just right and it sort of felt like staring into the sun, if the sun was a young boy who kept flinching every time the door opened. Even knew that Isak hadn’t gotten used to being out in the world as a couple yet and that he found the possibility that someone from school could walk in on them terrifying, but the way he never could quite relax was starting to wear him down. As the bell above the door went off again and Isak, once again, tensed up and looked over at the door in something similar to terror, Even sighed and leaned over the table to take his hand.

”Is this alright for you?” he asked, seeking eye contact that Isak had been avoiding ever since they sat down in the café twenty minutes ago. Isak turned back towards him but kept his gaze locked somewhere around Even’s shoulder as he shrugged and squeezed his hand.

”No, of course I don’t, this is nice.”

Even couldn’t help a small laugh at the obvious lie. As Isak immediately tensed up again and started to withdraw he leaned forward to recapture his hand.

”Hey, hey, I’m sorry! You’re just so tense, are you sure that you don’t want to go back home, instead?” he asked and watched as Isak just withdrew even further with every word. He avoided Even’s attempts at touch and leaned back in his chair while crossing his arms.

”No? Of course I want to be here with you, I’m fine, I don’t know what you’re talking about”, he spoke, almost too fast for Even to keep up with, and obviously an attempt at covering up something that was wrong. Even withdrew his hands to his side of the table but kept leaning forward with his attention focused solely on the boy in front of him. Every single atom in his body was screaming that something was wrong, and the concern made him want to reach out: to touch and to comfort. But Isak was still turning away from him and his chest ached.

”Isak, what’s wrong?” he asked, desperate to understand, to help in any way. Instead, Isak almost seemed to draw back further and tilted his face down, staring at Even’s coffee cup.

”Nothing’s wrong, why would anything be wrong? It’s not like everyone keeps telling me that you’re not actually interested and that you and Sonja are still together. That you just want to mess around with me.”

”Isak”, was all Even had time to get out, brain shocked into silence for a second or two before it kicked back in at full speed.

”You’re not telling me everything”, Isak kept going, ignoring Even’s attempted interruption. ”And it’s really hard to just ignore what they’re saying when I don’t actually know what went on with you and Sonja and, I guess, I just want to know what happened. I just want to know what happened, Even.”

Even was staring at him in silence as Isak’s frustration and anger started to seep through his attempted composure, and when Isak finally looked him in the eye, looking for answers that felt impossible to give, he was speechless. He knew that Isak deserved to know, but he was also terrified of the thought of putting it into words. Making it real between them. The silence dragged out longer than it should have before Even managed to get his reply out.

”Not here. I can’t tell you here, let’s go home again and I’ll promise I’ll tell you everything.”

 

\---

 

The front door closed and both of them became, if possible, even tenser. Isak kicked off his shoes and went for his room without looking around, leaving the door open for Even to follow.

Even was still stood in the hallway. He couldn’t make himself move forward and face what he knew was coming, but at the same time he knew that Isak deserved this. He couldn’t hide in their newness anymore. This was happening. Unwillingly, he took his shoes off and took the time to hang his jacket up properly, using every second he could to try and get his mind together.

His mind was rushing forward without actually making any sound: straight ahead way too fast. He knew what he needed to do and he had to actually talk to Isak but something in him screamed that this would ruin everything. He would be too much and Isak wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. He would leave the apartment without him. It took him energy he didn’t have to try to get his brain to slow down to a speed he could actually handle and he ended up standing in the hallway, staring at his jacket, until Isak stood next to him again.

”Even”, was all he said, looking up at him. And then his wonderful, wonderful boyfriend reached for his hand and interlocked their fingers as he gently pulled him along to his bedroom. Even suddenly felt like he was being guided, more than pulled along, guided through a situation he couldn’t handle himself. Isak was obviously upset and still he helped him when he needed it. Even’s chest hurt. His brain was still rushing, but it helped to be able to dig his hands into the covers on Isak’s bed and stare at the floor in front of him.

”Can you tell me? About you and Sonja?”

”I don’t know how to explain it, really” he started. Even took a deep breath and once again tried to get his scattered, running mind to spit out what he needed to say. ”You remember what I told you earlier, about how she always seems to know everything? It’s hard to go from having someone who knows you like that to starting something new. That kind of security is almost addicting: you don’t really need to know yourself when you’ve got someone who can tell you what you think and feel.”

”If it’s that great being with her, if it’s that hard letting go of her, why don’t you go back?” Isak let out. Even flinched back and looked up from the floor. Isak was staring out the window, knuckles white from how hard he was clenching them and jaw tight. He was holding something back but Even couldn’t tell what it was: tears or screams. His face was so open, so unguarded with his pain, even as Even was talking about his ex-girlfriend, and once again Isak took his breath away.

He suddenly couldn’t speak again, his lungs tightening and his airways tying themselves in knots. His mind stood still with the same intensity as it had been screaming earlier. Isak still wasn’t looking at him and his shoulders were inching their way up as his words hang in the air. Even still couldn’t breathe, but he needed to speak, needed to explain himself, explain this whole situation.

”That’s not what I meant, Isak”, he managed to slowly press out. Isak’s shoulders somehow managed to ride up even further and he stared even more intently out the window as Even fought with his uncooperative throat.

”What did you mean then? Jesus Christ, can you just say what you mean? I’m so fucking tired of you never answering my fucking questions, is it honestly so hard to tell me the truth, shit.” Jaw tight, knuckles white, obviously fighting himself and still so brave.

Even suddenly felt himself smiling in the middle of all the tension and hurt. Suddenly, it felt easier to breathe, like Isak had opened something in him in the same way that he opened the ability to love in a whole new way when he first met his eyes. A whole new dimension of intensity Even hadn’t known he could feel, something he couldn’t remember Sonja ever making him feel. He clung to that thought as he took a deep breath. Sonja couldn’t know this.

”I mean I’m past that. She’s comfortable and he helped me through a lot of shit, shit I’ve been scared to tell you about because I care so much about you and I haven’t wanted to burst this new bubble. I’ve never felt like this before, Isak. You bring me something completely new and it’s fantastic. If the price I have to pay to feel like this is letting go of that safety, of that security, I will. I already have. I will choose you over her any time, Isak, I promise I will”, he said with an ease in his chest that he hadn’t felt in weeks.

”What we have is everything I want, everything I need. I need to understand how I work. Sonja got to know me when I was 15, Isak, I’m not that person anymore and she has tried to keep me back there and I can’t anymore. I was about to break it up even before you came along; you just made me have to act faster. I couldn’t lose you Isak. I promise I’ll tell you everything you want to know, just tell me that you believe me, that you believe that I want you more than anything.”

Isak hadn’t moved, but not he dropped his head and closed his eyes. He let out a deep sigh and started to turn toward Even, still not meeting his eyes. He sat on the bed, next to Even but not touching, carefully a few centimeters away. He held out his hand in the air between them and Even immediately reached for him, holding tight. The touch let out the final tension that had lingered in his body, and it seemed to do something similar to Isak who slumped a little more and finally looked up at Evens face.

”I think I want to know what those things are. But later”, he continued as Even opened his mouth to start to ramble. ”Now I just want this for a while. Just us.”

Even could cry for relief, he could feel his eyes burning as Isak leaned over and rested his head on his shoulder. Instead he brought his free hand over and maneuvered them around so they were lying down. Isak curled up into him the way he had that first time they had shut themselves away from the world and all Even could do was hold him as closely as possible and press his face into Isaks hair.

 

\---

 

Even had woken up slowly: brain humming, but slow, and warm to the core. It took a moment or two before he registered the weight on his chest and yet another moment to realize that the sun wasn’t down yet. Lower, yes, but not set, so he hadn’t been out for long. It still felt wrong to consider waking Isak up even though it had been weeks since he had gone pale and quiet and exhausted, so Even was quietly grateful when he looked down to meet eyes that were already open.

Isak smiled faintly when he realized that Even was awake and tilted his chin up to ask for a kiss. Even gave it to him, as he always did, and fought the urge to keep kissing him forever, never coming up for air. Instead he settled for short but lingering kisses, keeping it chaste as their earlier conversation came back to him. He drew back and leaned his forehead against Isak’s and drew his fingers through his hair, not willing to let go of the contact but aware that they needed to talk all of this through.

Isak let out a sigh and reached up to trace his jaw with his fingers, lingering with his hand on his neck.

”Can you tell me now?” he asked, voice small but stable, like Isak had accepted that he mattered to Even and nothing else really mattered. Even closed his eyes and focused on every point of contact between his body and Isak’s as he tried to bring himself back to a reality that wasn’t just Isak’s walls and Isak’s roof and Isak’s bed and Isak Isak Isak.

”I can’t really make myself make sense all the time. I feel everything really strongly and sometimes I’m so low it doesn’t feel like I can get out of it and other times everything just goes so fast that I can’t really keep up”, he said, wishing for it to make sense to Isak, even a little bit. For him to catch on to what he was saying but didn’t put into words. ”It’s overwhelming, and sort of exhausting.”

”Did Sonja help you with it?” Isak almost whispered after the time had ticked away in a silence that felt like an eternity. He was still curled up around Even, showing no signs of wanting to leave, of feeling scared or hesitant. He pressed his face into Evens neck, exhaled deeply, and just waited.

”In a way, I guess she did. It wasn’t a big problem for a long time and that’s when we got to know each other and when we got together, so when it got really bad last year she kept me sort of grounded in myself by always pulling me back to how i had been before. That was what I needed back then but when that episode started dying down and I didn’t need that kind of support it started to feel like she was suffocating me. Like she wanted me to be someone I wasn’t. Someone who was impulsive and exciting and intense, not someone who got so stuck inside his own head that it could take an hour to move from the kitchen to the door when it got too much.

So, yes, I guess she did help me when I needed it the first time around, but when I came out on the other side she couldn’t help me anymore. That’s when things started to fall apart.” He kept brushing his fingers through Isak’s hair to keep himself there in the moment and made himself stop and wait while Isak processed everything.

”Is that why you transferred?”

”Yeah, the school didn’t exactly like me much with the kind of absence I had. And when I was there I was only really there half the time. I think everyone was kind of relieved to get rid of me in the end.” He didn’t really care anymore, he was as relieved to be out of there as the staff was, but Isak seemed to react to his words, or his tone. His grip tensed a little and he moved his arm to circle Even’s waist instead, pushing his face even further into his throat.

”So you’re really, really done with her now?” he asked, quiet and muffled. Even tightened his grip on him and tried to get Isak to meet his eyes. When he managed to get Isak to look at him he smiled to try to comfort him as much as he could.

”I really am. I’m with you now, and I wouldn’t go back for anything”, he said and leaned down to kiss Isak, who met him half way. Even couldn’t make himself shut his eyes as he settled down: once again surrounded by warmth and by the boy who he loved so much.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fic in years and this is sloppy and unedited so please be nice? Also SKAM owns my ass and I just want everyone to talk about everything and then get a good night's sleep. Any weird phrasing is probably because my mind works in Swedish while trying to make characters who speak Norwegian speak English.


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